truth of my youth

Dear Whoever the Fuck Wants to Listen:

Mom and Dad want to get back together. If they weren’t parents, whatever decision they make wouldn’t be a big deal. But they have me.

I feel like if they make the wrong choice, they can’t just fix it. They would have me they were dragging around. I’m scared about that. It’s scary to think about how whatever my mom and dad want to do, I have to go along with.

My sister is an adult. I see her growing and changing as a person. I am still a kid, still dependent on my parents. I am changing too, but I’m stuck in once place of time although I am being stretched into a new being. Because I am still so dependent on them, I can’t venture into the world with a childlike wonder like my sister is. I wish for that to happen so much sooner than it will actually be. I really hope that eventually my mom can treat me like an adult and still telling me I’m just a kid and I can’t do anything about anything.

As a person, I feel like I’m late 20’s. I feel matured and more deep than some adults I know. Even at 15, I still feel like all I want is someone to hold me through the night. I want that kind of love where no matter what happens, that person will keep holding me. Earthquake, rain, bizarre, or alien attack, I’ll still be in the arms of someone who loves me. Is that so hard to ask?

As a child, I feel restricted. I feel like a caged lion. I feel like I need to break from my chains. To set foot onto a path anew and feel refreshed because I am my own person, independent and free. Even now, I need to break out of my cage and see the world from a new angle, because my sister is free to do what she wants, whereas I am not.

My biggest fear is that I will never break free.

Miranda Jade Hadden

(Mood: Scared and Observative)